Enough For Me

When Bri invited me to be a part of this 30-day challenge, I have to admit (with chagrin) that my thought process was something along the lines of "This means I can not put on makeup each morning and have a noble sounding excuse for my laziness." I didn't expect it to actually teach me anything. I was wrong. I consider myself to be confident, to be secure in my looks, and most everything else about myself. I have taken enough late night, post-shower trips to froyo, or gone to class without make up (because of the previously mentioned laziness) enough times that I figured a month without makeup would be easy. Again, I was wrong. Because when you go an entire month (so far, one week) without wearing it, you realize what occasions cause you to reach for your mascara and eye shadow. 

One morning last week I woke up knowing I would be meeting a male friend for coffee that day. I was tempted to break my commitment and put on my makeup. The insecure part of me said that he wouldn't think I was pretty enough without it. I reminded myself that I had made a commitment and needed to stick to it, but I wasn't pleased. And then I thought "If he doesn't like my face: my God-given, non-artificially enhanced face, then I don't like him." (Which is a bit childish since this means I'm deciding for myself that he doesn't like my face, when I don't actually know the answer to this question. I think we, as women, often do this). This made me realize that I do have insecurities that I thought I didn't. 

There is a deeper issue that  just wanting to cover up our flaws with makeup. We (at least I do) often put on makeup thinking that if we can just make our faces look "better" that everything else will seem better too. Or maybe everything else won't be noticed because our faces are distracting. There is a nagging feeling in many of our gut that says "I'm not smart enough"..."I'm not funny enough"..."I'm not skinny enough"..."I'm. Not. Enough". And this is a part of ourselves that we need to tell to shut up. Because, who are we saying that we're not enough for? Who are we letting be the standard of what IS enough? And why are we letting those people, those thoughts, make us feel insecure? At the end of the day, we need to be enough for ourselves. 

So, the next time I wake up wanting to put on makeup so that a guy thinks I'm pretty enough, I'm going to look in the mirror and say "I think I'm pretty and that's what matters. I am enough for me"